Family Cooperation, & Making It Work

One body, one wave…

It’s not easy to get everybody on the same page in the family. In my teachings, I explain that it’s important for everyone to move in the same direction like one wave or body. Everyone’s connected by soul ties and when one person is not moving in the same direction, it creates a snap back like a rubber band being pulled too hard in the opposite direction. Once it snaps back it creates a little bit of a hole. That hole then creates a vacuum or suction because it is void. It is negative energy. If two people disagree and don’t wish to work together, then it creates that strong friction that leads to the hole. That hole itself being darker energy from the negativity, will act like a vacuum. It starts to then attract toward itself, lower vibrational things. It starts to affect the rest of the family. Sooner than later, they find themselves experiencing arguments and discord. Then no one is moving in the same direction at all. They’re trying to move in the opposite directions instead. As a result of everything being unbalanced and infested with negativity, no one will move at all. It creates a barrier that’s hard to work through. That is called a “purgatorial state”.

There are many things that create a purgatorial state. But in this instance, it would be the family’s lack of cooperation together. Everybody affected would experience the same day over and over again… just in small differences. Eventually the family would slip into a state of non-movement mixed with the discord. It would create a living hell.

In that case, nobody could really truly be happy. Therefore, there has to be a leader of the family that knows what they’re doing because they know each person deeply. It would require them to choose a person in the family that has more unconditional love than everyone else. They would also need to be someone in the family who doesn’t judge and understands the needs of each person in their network or family wave. That chosen person would also need to have had a history of having been pretty reliable, and organized. Throughout the past, their actions will have had to have shown that out of loyalty to their family… they have had everyone’s best interests at heart. And what I mean by best interest, doesn’t include giving into requests that they knew were unhealthy just to make someone happy. Instead they will have to be the type of person who can say no because they know it isn’t healthy or right for that individual.

You can’t have a wave in the ocean break apart and roll in different directions as it would create what’s called an undertow. With an undertow, the current that is created by the wave separating eventually causes anything in the mist of it to be swept underneath it and drowned. It’s dangerous. It’s similarly dangerous in a family doing the same. The lack of direction can create negativity for each individual that it could sweep everyone under. Therefore, each family member needs to work in the same direction to avoid the danger, so to speak. But sadly not everyone is an Oracle and can’t know what every member of their family is thinking or feeling. Sometimes relatives even have trouble understanding each other‘s perspectives. That’s OK, but there must be a way to get everybody on board. The mother of the home is usually best to go to since their natural ability to love and show compassion could be the right tools to at least gain some balance and peace. If the father added his wisdom, it would compliment the mother’s compassionate guidance. If everyone played their role, it would be even better.

An example

When my father was dying it made a bit of a snap back for us because nobody wanted him to go, but yet his soul was ready. He eventually left this world as many of you know. Everybody was so upset about his passing, that everybody tried to cope with it in their different ways. Instead of being together like a family should, others coped negatively while others tried to be strong for the rest of the family. It wasn’t easy, but eventually I pulled everybody back together. However, it was around the same time that dark consciousness began spreading throughout the world more rapidly and it was affecting those that were vulnerable. For us, the relatives having the most difficulty coping with the loss were the most vulnerable among us. The snap back made some negative spots and attracted more discord. This created a domino effect which then led to many things having gone wrong.

What to do? What I did!

Try what I did! I pulled everyone together in a family meaning and told them:

“If we aren’t all on the same page then a family divided against itself will fall. You all need to get back on track. It’s the same with anything, even on a global level.”

Alura Cein

Some of my relatives didn’t know how. Even with guidance, in their time of hurting they simply just wanted to let them consume them. I waited for them to go through some more hardships and approached again. Some hit rock bottom. It was then that they were sick and tired, of being sick and tired. I reorganized with them.

Family Worship

We have a strict schedule during the week. Granted, there’s not much time to do much of anything else but we make it work by distributing roles. Every member of the family has a job that they’re responsible for daily. And that helps cut time down a little bit for all of us since it’s not put all on top of one person. It used to be put all on top of me in regards to taking care of the house and all of the responsibilities or otherwise. I wasn’t able to spend time with anybody because I was too busy doing every single thing for them. Everyone started playing an active role which resulted in my having an extra two hours for prayer and spiritual study.

I also started leaving notes all over the house. The notes are both virtuous and chore reminders. This helps keep things organized as well as uplifted. It isn’t always easy to get everybody to cooperate every minute of the day. People get in their moods and it takes regulating them a little bit with a little bit of love and guidance. Will there always be that one family member that just doesn’t want to do nothing? Yes, we all have that one lazy family member. But even they can be motivated to with different things like rewards. Sounds a little crazy if we were talking in regards to an adult, but actually it really does help if you have something to offer in an even exchange. For example, a person in my home always forgets to sweep up the cat litter. They forget a little too often. Sometimes it’s deliberate. If incentive gets a result with somethan that’s what tell them that I will do them a favor if they can do that favor for me.

It really isn’t easy keeping up on top of everything or in trying to keep everybody on top of themselves. I’ve worked with families who lack cooperation so much that there are arguments on a daily basis, and sometimes several times a day. There is one woman that came to me, a wife and mother of three kids. She has three sons who were the ages of 17, 14, and 11. Her husband was a truck driver that really wasn’t ever home because he spent most of his career on the road. But the money was good, and so she was able to be a stay at home mother. Being a housewife definitely gave her an pretty easier lot in life considering that she didn’t have to go out there in the working world every day while taking care of the home and kids too. I’m not saying that being a housewife and mother isn’t hard. I know it is. But holding down a job somewhere too? That would be overwhelming. I even have a hard time juggling my kids, housework and business at times. Anyhow, she often and ask her sons to do small tasks such as taking the trash out or even something as easy as cleaning up after themselves. However it was on many occasions that they didn’t do any of those things and she had to say something. Children being as disrespectful as they are these days because of their mind being so preoccupied with video games etc.… They would talk back to her and give her a hard time. Then defending her self as the mother who was deserving of respect, she would tell them not to speak to her that way and to do what they were told. But then, it would lead into a shouting match and argument. If she were only arguing with just one son, the other one would come out of his room to find out what was going on. That would then lead to all of them getting into an argument. Things from the past would get thrown up and it was just ugly. I helped her out a lot with parenting coaching.

That’s a good example of families today though. Things have to be managed and so someone has to guide and direct everybody to play their role. But nobody wants to. They all want to live in their own world things that they like rather than doing the things that they dislike such as chores. My family, I am leader. Since I live with my mother, she’s older now and has already lived her life being lady of the house. Therefore, I am now responsible for all of the duties such as housework, and keeping things organized and moving along. When it came to my kids, that was something I always was responsible for. Although, living with your parents isn’t always easy when you have children. A lot of the times they will go over top of you in your parenting and what can you do? It’s respectful to listen to your parents in front of your children to show them respect their elders. Being who and when I am, always agree with what my parents were saying. I have a completely different way of doing things than most people. But I still showed my children to respect my parents so that they could see me doing so, and no to respect their own parent… Me.

I often distribute tours amongst the family. I have my own set of rules in the house to keep it clean and tidy. I think that my rules are a little bit more excessive than others because I am a perfectionist. So I make sure that I’m not mean or that I’m not harping on my family. When you work on getting them used to the way of things, yes you have to often at times remind them a little more than you should. But after awhile, they start to fall into place and everything is just like one body or wave. You do have to make it a point to remind them even when they’re staying on top of things, so that they don’t end up eventually falling off. You don’t want them to think that just because you’re not saying anything anymore, that you don’t care about things staying orderly. So even if they’re doing the right thing, slide it in there every once in a while that you want them to do this or that and not to forget.

I also leave little notes laying around the house. I even bought a little dry erase frame, so that I could write them down and put them in different locations. If I want to change the note, I can just simply erase the marker and write a new one.

Right now the ones that I have up are perfect. My kids often forget to do their own dishes, they speak loudly, and many times they forget to remove their shoes when they enter the house. I don’t want outside bacteria, dirt, or any kind of allergens coming in on the bottom of their shoes. So I like their shoes removed down in the foyer where I have also bought a little bench with a shelf on it. Down and takeoff their shoes and then put their shoes on the shelf so that they can easily do the same thing when going back out. We have slippers or house shoes that are then exchanged for the outdoor wear. Since I also have my mother living here and she is older now, and then additionally we have small children that could be napping, I like everyone to speak in a low voice. I like that naturally anyhow because it make sure that the house is always in a state of peace. That’s not always the case though because there are times when relatives have yelled back-and-forth through the house to communicate which I thought was ridiculous. It only takes a second to walk up the stairs to say some thing or vice versa. Nobody needs to shout but just to walk across the room without being lazy and tell their relative what they’re looking for or what they need to say. There are others were just naturally loudly spoken and it kind of hype things up around the home. So I try to get my family to speak at a level system. Level III voice is the outdoor voice. Level two is when where speaking with your normal voice. Level one is a whisper. I prefer people to speak at a level two. When my dad was around and we lived at our other residence in Lindenwold, we used to tell the kids to speak at level two. Or to use their indoor voice. I’m trying to get everyone to reinstate those rules that the house can be nice and quiet.

I don’t have a lot of rules but the ones that I do have are helpful for the home. I’ll list them down below so that everyone can maybe pick what they like and try to get everyone in their homes to cooperate with them. I’ll explain why I like that rule too so that makes sense.

House & Family Rules

Rule # 1: Do not wear shoes indoors

I don’t really like people wear shoes in the houselike I said, wearing shoes in the home brings the outdoor bacteria into the house. It also drags in pollen, and any kind of pet dander floating around in the atmosphere naturally. Wearing shoes in the house also messes of the cleanliness of the floors that are being clean by the woman of the house. Why have to continuously re-clean, if everybody would just maintain keeping everything clean right? No shoes are allowed in my home.

Rule #2: No loud Voices

It’s nice to keep things peaceful and serene and so I don’t promote speaking loudly in the house. When I was little my mom would yell from downstairs, to reach me upstairs. And then my children started copying that habit while they were growing up. My poor father to be sitting there trying to watch a television show while everyone was yelling across the house. Can you imagine trying to hear an episode of the Vikings and he’s trying hear Loki telling Ragnar something and all of a sudden: “Amber! Where’s the hair brush that you borrowed from my room”? And then he gets maybe another sentence of his television shows script and he hears: “I don’t know Grandmom”! Not even a moment later… “You better find it”! And then a very loud reply of “Alright Grandmom”!

That’s ridiculous. Nobody should speak loudly across the room like that. It’s in considerate to others and it shows laziness that a person can’t get up and just walk to the next room to talk. Plus, who needs to talk loudly naturally, while being in the same room with everyone? There are times that everyone starts talking it it goes to a level III voice. So I often tell everyone speak lowly. “Use your level Two indoor voice”. This also helps when I’m doing my recordings for my clients or when I have a client here. Time they didn’t follow the rule and they were shouting across the house again to one another, we had a dog barking loudly in the background all at the same time. It was so inconsiderate to the person that was here for help.

Rule #3: No Vulgar Language

I have always had this role. When I was married before in the past my ex-husband used to have his friends over for a few beers. I was way younger but still pretty much the same as I am today. I didn’t like it. I didn’t mind that they were having a couple of beers. What I minded was that they were drinking to get drunk. I didn’t like their language either. Every other word was the F word. And so I set up a jar and told them for every time they cursed they had to stick a quarter in there. But sadly they knew they weren’t going to be able to refrain from cursing and so some of them would just walk in the door and put a $20 bill in there automatically and tell me they were allpaid up for the night LOL. That didn’t really help after all. They thought they just could pay to curse. And so I got rid of the jar and just put my foot down and told them to stop with their dirty language. Nobody really respected that. Nowadays, since I don’t have anyone coming over here getting drunk which is some thing I totally disagree with, there’s no need for anyone to curse at all. Now that there is during any party or anything, but there are people out there that speak that way. Actually, in society cursing has become a normality. I tell everyone that comes in to my home to refrain from using vulgar language in my house. I have little kids here, and it is known fact that when someone’s cursing at six in the subconscious and there’s a good chance that somebody who’s against cursing white slip up and say it. I have to admit there was one time, there was a person here who just kept on throwing dirty words out of their mouth and I slipped up and said the F word. I was really very upset with myself and with the other person for not respecting my house rules. You have to always make sure that you are keeping your mind clear so as not to allow anything to influence your subconscious. But if it’s in your face that much, then it’s a huge possibility that you might end up slipping of yourself. So ensure that people don’t say bad words around you or your family. If it’s your house you can lay down the rules a little bit more strongly. If they don’t like them, you can tell them to leave. Reason why I don’t like vulgar language is because I don’t think that anybody needs to speak using words that are referencing sexual acts. If you’re just having a decent conversation with someone then what’s the point of saying the F word? The F word means “sex”. When a person says “F you”, it’s like saying “sex you” with a much harsher word. So what’s the point of all of that? There isn’t any right? There’s no need to use vulgarity in speech. Plus the Bible says we should always refrain from using any vulgarity because when we speak cleanly and intelligently it represents him and our cleanness of mind.

Rule #4: Use of electronics

The use of electronics all have different rules for themselves but just to kind of sum it up here, I definitely do not like the little ones to watch too much TV. Regularly, they’re only allowed one our television daily and as far as the use of any cell phone device, the little ones are not allowed to use them. My daughter Amber has developed habit of giving my two-year-old daughter her cell phone so that she could watch educational children’s videos on YouTube. I didn’t like it from the beginning because I knew it would become habitual. She would want the phone on a regular basis and I certainly didn’t want that have it to start. However, there were times when Amber and I were extremely busy and the little one would constantly need attention or something to do. Coloring books and crayons or some other activity wouldn’t suffice, I would give her half an hour on a children’s video on the cell phone. So I broke my own rule in other words LOL but we all learn through cause and effect. It did eventually turn into a habit where she wanted this cell phone or felt entitled to have it. She would even chase Amber down for it. I quickly put that one to an end. There are no cell phones allowed to be given to the smaller children and the one hour a day television wall for them has always been applied. There is only one exception to that television roll which is on Friday night where they can have a movie night if they’re very well behaved. And we go all out for that movie night too!

Rule #5: Mindfulness is key to Perfection

Everyone has to pull their weight! In order for everyone to have enough time in the day to get things done and to also ensure that not everything is being put upon one person, everybody must have their chores. The reason why I enforce this rule is because there was a time when everybody left the dishes in the sink, and if they drop something on the floor… They would leave it there. There were other ties to that so we would take some thing out of the refrigerator and have some oily hands or maybe some jelly on their fingers, and put it back in the refrigerator. There are a lot of different examples I can give, that just waste time when it comes to somebody else having to clean up after that person. When I say perfection, I don’t mean it literally. I don’t mean for that person to be so exactly perfect, that they become like the episode of SpongeBob where he became normal. I’m talking about perfect as in being mindful. When you’re mindful, you do things perfectly or at least the right way. So instead of always doing everything in a great hurry, they should be mindful that if they are spreading jelly on a sandwich and get a little on their fingers, to wipe off the jar and their hands before replacing it back in the refrigerator. This keeps the refrigerator nice and neat. And if something does end up getting stuck to the shelving inside, just wipe it up that’s all. Mindfulness has a lot of perks. Remembering to wipe off your space at the dinner table. Remembering to do your own dishes. Remembering to tidy up your own room. That’s all a part of being mindful. I’m also a little extreme when it comes to the laundry too. I believe everybody should empty their pockets and turn their clothes right side inAnd if something does end up getting stuck to the shelving inside, just wipe it up that’s all. T-Mobile has a lot of perks. Remembering to wipe off your space at the dinner table. Remembering to do your own dishes. Remembering to tidy up your own room. That’s all a part of being mindful. I’m also a little extreme when it comes to the laundry too. I believe everybody should empty their pockets and turn their clothes right side in. This helps when getting ready to put the clothes away. You can just fold them and put them in the right place. Or anything else even when using the bathroom. Wipe the seat and use a towel to dry off the sink after washing your hands. I can use the bathroom real nice. So yes mindfulness leads to a sense of perfection.

Rule #6: Lights out

It’s hard enough for me to live with a bunch of lights on because of my energy. Imagine a bunch of miles being attracted to a porch light and then once they get close enough to it they get burned. I am very delicate in my energy although extremely strong. It’s only an artificial light really hurt me. So I like to keep it dim. But keeping it there also helps save money on bills and energy. I make sure that we have gentle lighting systems all over the home and I try to make it a point to turn off the lights behind me. I still have to work on this one with my family but they’re getting there.

Rule 7#: Be kind

I really don’t like when people are I’m kind to one another in my house. I always try to set a good example but he not everybody is me and so I don’t expect them to be like me in every way. But I don’t like when people are cool to one another by name calling even though I have had my share of calling somebody an idiot a couple of times here and there. I mean stupidity stupidity right? I don’t mean that they’re really stupid I just mean that they’re not using their intelligence. And I definitely make it a point to explain that. Nevertheless I really do try to encourage everybody to communicate in a kind way. Even if they’re upset with somebody all they have to do is just go to them and explain what’s upsetting them and why. The other person should also be kind to want to fix it. A lack of trying to see from someone else’s perspective can lead to arguments and miscommunication. If people get too worked out they should probably walk away from the situation. There are many times I see people getting worked up or I’m getting upset and I say just leave the room. Sometimes they don’t LOL I guess some people don’t like seeing me get upset with them. But so it’s probably better to let the situation settle because obviously if I’m getting upset it’s because I see the conversations getting nowhere. Everybody should express themselves calmly and kindly. I always come off calm, at first until someone else starts putting on the defense mechanism and then I get a little bit frustrated. Then, I start to maybe assert myself a little bit and get them to see why am frustrated. But there are some who can’t see from someone else’s perspective and it can lead to arguments and miscommunication. If people get too worked up they should probably walk away from the situation. There are many times I see people getting worked up or I’m getting upset and I say just leave the room. Sometimes they don’t LOL.

I guess some people don’t like seeing me get upset with them. It’s probably better to let the situation settle because obviously if I’m getting upset, it’s because I see that the conversation is going to get nowhere. But there are moments that individuals aren’t really trying to understand what I’m saying at all or they don’t want to. In those cases, they will close off their mind. I’ll know if they shut me out due to not wanting to acknowledge their wrongs. And that upsets me because if they are in my life then it’s because they are meant to learn. For those who have entered my life later in years, it was because they wanted to learn. If they’re not taking me into consideration then it shows a lack of wanting to learn at all. I’m sure that if anyone in your life failed to show that they acknowledged what they had done wrong or that didn’t want to listen to your feelings… It would upset you.

It’s really important even on your own and to always try to listen. But there are times when relatives or friends really aren’t being open minded and there are a number of reasons as to why. It’s still a fact that being kind and always considerate to others, can definitely help keep a balanced household. Things escalate to another level, then just walk away. There is no use arguing or saying things that you don’t mean. And if the person isn’t open or receptive to what you’re saying then perhaps maybe it’s just not the timing and so… Don’t waste your time in that wrong timing.

Rule #8: Acceptance & Serenity

When you live in a family, everybody and that family will share similarities because they are from the same blood. But as people grow, they change. And so, there will also be people in your family who do not grow. Everybody is a different character, having gone through different things even though they are a member of the same family or household. There will always be things that your family members do that maybe you don’t agree with or like. They may even have characteristics that you tend to feel annoyed by. People will also make mistakes in their own individual lives that just because they live in the house, Have a affect on the whole family. It’s really important do you understand that. What you do not only affects the people in your household, but it also affects people in the world. Everything is a domino effect of cause and effect. I’ll talk about this another time. For now, just know that it may not be the easiest thing in the world to always accept your relatives for who they are and you may sometimes feel like you don’t have to really tolerate every little thing about them either. But the truth is, members of the family do. They have to except one another and be there for each other. Why else and be a family? But you will still find that there are small annoyances and sometimes negative situations that are caused by others. Is that a reason to give up on that individual? Are used to be a saying in the New Age that the person didn’t have to allow someone else to affect their reality negatively. No of course you don’t. But the truth of the matter is, everywhere you go there’s going to be negativity. And family is family after all. Helping them means that there may be everybody later on. Can you imagine if you help somebody get up off of the ground and onto their feet and into a better place? The person could be a really great asset for the family leader. It takes time to change and so patience is very important. I know that I have helped some people for almost a decade now. They get better little by little. The most important thing is that they get better and change. Family is a little different because you should be unconditional and enduring with your family. There’s no limitation and there’s no judgment. Everybody should just love each other for who they are and if things need to be changed because negative actions or words affect everyone else, then the family should sit down and talk about it. But acceptance is very important. It’s definitely a rule in my house. Although, no one is perfect and I know that there may be times it’s hard to follow.

So there is are the basic rules in my house even though I do have some small ones like no foul language, no bad dirty movies and no vulgar music. Like I said, no one is really perfect and so those things aren’t going to be completely void of my household but I can try to tone it down as much as I possibly can. It’s hard sometimes for somebody like me to lay down the law because I am so gentle and passive. But I can’t allow my kindness to be taken for a weakness. I do stand up for myself and let them know when I want something to be done or to be changed. So far everything is working out wonderfully. We have a few tweaks to make to some of the rules and getting some of my family members to follow them such as acceptance and keeping up with their end of their chores. But things have been very peaceful and far more organized with my leader ship. My mother and father used to leave the household but since my father passed it’s been totally up to me. And I’m very different from my parents as I listen to heaven where is my parents did things on a more earthly level.

Good luck getting things in order if you decide to give this ago. Even if you live on your own, remembering some of these things can help you whether you’re at work or even keeping things organized at your own house. I wish you all so many blessings.

Next Entry: Worship…..

So you tune for my next entry about family worship and how it should be in order to make things better with having the Holy Spirit is in your household.